Dear Ottawa #%$^$ Senators,

You've failed. You're driving me nuts. We gave you a simple task: to continue on your craptacular spiral into last place. And you couldn't even complete it.

Throwing-in-towel Fail.

Foligno, you're fired. Jason Spezza, definitely fired. Jarko Ruutu, fired. Alfredsson, so totally fired.

Ok, then there's the MATH FAIL.

Ottawa head coach Cory Clouston, who since taking over from fired Sens coach Craig Hartsburg Feb. 2 has a 13-6-3 record said: "We feel we're a playoff team."

epic math fail.

Oh, eff it. You're all fired. Someone call up the Binghamton Senators, i think they're the only ones up for the task. Or actually, you can borrow some of the Canadiens, they seem to be fairly good at NOT WINNING. Oh and fire Clouston and bring back Harsburg.

full of hateful, hateful, anger,
Jenn



Speaking of the Canadiens...

Hooray for meltdowns.


Remember when the Habs fired their coach and that was supposed to fix everything? That went really well.

PJ Stock had a rather endearing blog post about Carbonneau and the debacle that is the Canadiens dressing room right now.

The best part of it all.... This fantastically terrible meltdown season is going to be immortalized in a loonie.


oh yay. I can't wait to think about this season 15 years from now when i'm digging in my pocket for timmies money.


Moving on to more interesting things.


A Haligonian is coaching hockey on the international level.

Patrick MacDonald is coaching with hockey powerhouse, Malaysia.

This is the second year for the IIHF Challenge Cup of Asia. The Chinese Taipei National Team won the inaugural tourney.

I am mystified by this. I heard the story of Patrick MacDonald on CBC Information Morning while still in a tired stupor at about 8:30 this morning. I actually thought I had dreamt it. Challenge Cup of Asia. Totally sounds fake.


Ovechkin.



Talk about blowing something out of proportion. The kid just scored 50 goals. Did you score 50 goals? Did anyone else score 50 goals? People are acting like he kicked a baby or something.

Dear Ottawa Senators,

I feel like I've been writing to you a lot lately. But you just don't seem to be listening. Is it me? What can I do? I'll change, I swear. Please, just hear me out...

I know your coach is saying "at this time of year it's real easy to throw in the towel, but you're not going to do that... blah blah blah, useless to win, but we're stupid like the leafs and are going to keep winning because we hate ourselves, our fans and most of all victor hedman.... "

But....

Do that.

Maybe you're confused about how to do it, having leaf-itis can do that to you. Let me help, it's simple:

1. Take towel.
2. Throw it in.
3. Please.

Cheers,
Jenn (and Canadiens fans, who realize the Habs need all the help they can get staying in a playoff spot).


Oh and...

Anytime a reporter can use "snazzy" in an article... well it's pretty much the best.

From Canadian Press:

"Carbonneau wore a snazzy grey suit and a big smile as he entered the room and joked that he was 'almost starting to miss you (reporters).'"

Because I can't bear to think about this season anymore.

The obvious choice to distract myself from the math of the final 15 games of the season is to mull over... Who the Canadiens choose as their new coach in the off-season?

John Tortorella.

Quite frankly I think they missed the boat on this one, but you never know... the way they go through coaches/players in New York, he could be looking for a job come summertime.

Anyway, back to that missing the boat thing... Torts was hired by the New York Rangers (after spending most of the season despising 'the quiz' as an analyst on TSN) just a week before Gainey fired Guy Carbonneau. Torts is the ultimate distracter (not a word... hmm. oh well). His team is playing like a house league hockey team and he starts dropping f-bombs and making fun of the other team's coach. Suddenly every reporter gets amnesia, forgets the top scorer is not scoring and the team lost and starts debating whether Torts hates the media.

Just think of Torts swearing in a brand new language. Beautiful.

Marc Crawford.

is annoying us all each week on CBCs Hockey Night in Canada so he might as well annoy us from behind the Canadiens bench. He's won the Coach of the Year and a Stanley Cup with Colorado in 1996.



Patrick Roy.

......

.....

........


Okay, now that you've finished laughing. Think about it.

Roy has kissed and made up with his old team. (They retired his jersey this season and he gave a heartfelt speech at the ceremony).

But most importantly he has coaching experience, unlike a lot of retired NHLers who decide to jump right in as an NHL coach. Roy has been coach of the Quebec Rempart of the Quebec Major Junior Hockey League since 2005 and led the team to a Memorial Cup in that same season.

He's had his fair share of run-ins with the media during his tenure with the Remparts, but that's Roy. He'd certainly force Carey Price to stop eating a bag of oreo cookies every night.


Jacques Lemaire.

Lemaire has been the coach of the Minnesota Wild since the team's creation in 2000. However right now the Wild are sitting in ninth — one point out of the playoffs. If the team fails to make it, or has a quick first-round exit. Lemaire might be out of a job. The 1994 and 2003 Coach of the Year had a short stint with the Canadiens in 1983-85 but I'm sure he'd jump at the chance to return to the team where he won eight Stanley Cups as a player.

His ability to communicate with players would be a plus. The minus, his trap-minded style might not be the best fit for the fast-skating, run and gun style fo the Canadiens.

Patt Quinn.

I've spoken to a few fans who've said they'd disown the Canadiens if they hired Quinn. But it's quite a possibility. The Canadiens need someone who can deal with the media.. Pat Quinn spent an eternity in the centre of the universe. What better training?

Craig Hartsburg.

Because coaching was the problem in Ottawa... clearly the problem was not the goaltending or the players. Both were stellar.

One of the other Sutter brothers.

Why not.



I'm sure there are several other coaches that will inevitably lose their jobs/are available currently. And it's fairly probably Bob Gainey will choose someone fairly whack. But whatever, i've been distracted from real problems (and schoolwork) for a good hour writing this.


Quote of the Night: "Next up, Lightening. Senators. To the loser goes the spoils." - Corey Worren, TSN.

Carbo sent packing

I think there's something bigger happening within the Montreal Canadiens.

The announcement that General Manager Bob Gainey dismissed coach Guy Carbonneau came earlier this afternoon as I was heading out the door. I won't lie, it caught me off guard. But the more I thought about it, the more I realize it shouldn't have.

Coaching always crosses your mind when a team is not playing like it should. So it had crossed my mind when "partygate" broke. It seems to me that Carbonneau did not have control of his players.

It also crossed my mind when Kovalev was told by Bob Gainey (not coach Carbonneau) that he was staying home for that two-game roadtrip a few weeks ago. After the two-game hiatus Kovalev told reporters Gainey was the only one he talked to.

"I don't like to tell things to people or say how I feel," he said. "I'm not that open as a person.

"Bob is the only one I open up to and say how I feel."

I think there's more to this story than injured players, underachievement and a goaltender with no confidence. You don't drop your coach with 16 games left in the season if there's not something deeper going on. I don't think this is your standard "shake things up" firing.

To be a fly on the wall at the Montreal Canadiens team meetings.

The Hamilton Bulldogs are doing just fine, thankyou.

So. The Montreal Canadiens are missing, Georges Laraque, Mathieu Dandenault, Christopher Higgins, Saku Koivu, Carey Price, and Alex Tanguay. I know, I know. Hardly ANY of their good players.

The Canadiens have had their fair share of the injury bug this season. Only five players have played all 41 of the Habs games this season.

No problem.

Since Christmas, the Canadiens have won seven games. They only played eight.

Screw it, who needs those guys. I'm actually a bit concerned about having those players return to the team and throwing off the time-space continuum, or whatever governs the chemistry of a hockey team.

The Hamilton Bulldogs are winning in style. (Must be the effects of having Kovalev as a captain). Last night they broke a 4-4 deadlock with 25 seconds left to take the win over the Washington Capitals.

Max Pacioretty (or as I prefer... MAXPAK!) is averaging just under a point per game. And Matt D'Agostini has six goals and two assists since being called up in late November.

I think there might be something to this. I mean, really, nobody really wants to get sent back to the AHL. But NOBODY wants to get sent back to the AHL, when your AHL team is in Hamilton. Keep it hangin' over their heads Carbo.

The youngens have gelled and have started to pull the deplorable performance of the Canadiens' powerplay out of the cellar (they're now 25th!). They even scored a shorthanded goal!

And those youngens have also ruined Carbo's vacation plans... the nerve.

MONTREAL – Guy Carbonneau can officially put away his sunscreen. Behind the bench is where he will be spending NHL All-Star Weekend.

Thanks to the Habs’ 5-4 win over the Capitals on Saturday night at the Bell Centre, the Canadiens leapfrogged past Washington in point percentage, .683 to .662. That slim margin was enough to earn Carbonneau an invite to NHL All-Star Weekend, to be held at the Bell Centre on January 24 and 25.

“I hadn’t reserved anything yet, but I had been looking at my options,” admitted Carbonneau, who only narrowly missed out on heading to Atlanta for last year’s midseason classic. “I was considering heading to Florida to spend some time on the beach and work on my tan.”

A much paler Carbonneau will instead be front and center as top stars in the NHL invade Montreal.

“Without question, getting to experience it in Montreal will be nothing short of amazing,” said the Habs' bench boss. “I never got to play in an All-Star as a player so it will be a special experience to be around the best players and coaches in the league.”

Carbonneau will ironically assist head coach Claude Julien of the top-ranked Bruins in a strange twist of fate that did not go unnoticed in the Canadiens’ dressing room.

“Let’s just say it will be interesting to see Claude Julien and Carbo side-by-side behind the bench together,” said Tomas Plekanec with a smile, after potting a pair to help send his coach to the All-Star Game. “We all couldn’t be happier for him, though. Carbo really deserves it and we’re excited that he’s going to be there along with Kovy and the guys.”

And now I leave you with this.

Let the Sunday night drinking games begin.

Tampa - Montreal

Tampa and Montreal have a game in a little over a half an hour.

I'm interested to see how the Canadiens players react. Last time the two played, Dec 11, Montreal looked like a bunch of school kids.

It was especially frustrating watching Martin St. Louis and Vincent Lecavalier have free reign despite the fact the two always play especially well when at home in Quebec.

That frustration showed on Guy Carbonneau during the post game press conference where he called out his players for that exact reason, wondering why they didn't listen to him.

But, since that game the Canadiens lost another two, but recovered from the rough patch, to take 9 of possible 10 points.

It should be a good game. Actually a really good game. And yet TSN is showing Toronto play Atlanta. Really?

Soul Searching.

Kovalev weaved his magic touch last night to win the game with the final shootout goal. 

Montreal shouldn't be going to a shootout with the St. Louis Blues. 

I can see the small vein in the side of Guy Carbonneau's neck beginning to pulsate everytime he hears the announcers say that the Canadiens powerplay is running 0 for 18. 

Yes. The top powerplay in the NHL for the past few years is 0 for 18. One of the main problems is the man himself: Kovalev. They need to stop trying to carry the puck into the zone. Dump, chase to the corner and then start your magical passing. Seriously, if you chase, you will win. You're fast. 

You can't very well put the puck on net if you can't even get into the zone and control it for a few seconds. 

Now, in my humble opinion, a second way to score is to look where your passing. I know, I know... this is outrageous...but trust me. Before you step on the ice, look down. What colour sweater do you have? Make sure you remember that. You seem to be forgetting. A lot.

The Canadiens have until tomorrow night to get their act together when they visit the Carolina Hurricanes. 

Where do I start?

Guys I'm so rusty. I didn't realize how rusty I was. There are too many games to deal with!!!

Two of my favourite people. (Ron MacLean and Peter Mansbridge.)

Destruction.

Ok, starting with the Montreal-Toronto game. Montreal dominated, (understatement), the final was 6-1. There was one point when the game was close, I think it was the first five minutes of the game. Toronto had a couple good chances but Jaroslav Halak shut them down.

I was perplexed about Carbonneau's decision to start Halák instead of Price (mostly because it would've been a guaranteed win, and I have Price in my pool). But I figured they probably wanted to rest price after playing last night where the game went the full legnth to the shootout and Price handled 36 shots. A friend also pointed out that Montreal needs to "showcase their trade bait."

False Hopes.

I haven't spoken to any Leafs fans yet tonight. Most of them are huddled in their dark basements quietly sobbing, i'm sure. Anyway, judging by the reaction that is usually garnered by the result of the first game of the season, I can't help but think that Toronto fans were excited after the big win against Detroit. Oh well.

Tanguay.

Gave all proof in the world that the difference between a good player and a bad player can be the playing style of the team they're on. Tanguay looks like he's been playing in Montreal for five years — he fit right in. 4 points (a goal and three assists) says it all.

Cherry.

Geez Don. I was on your side when you called Sean Avery a jerk. But i'm not on your side with this one. Cherry complained after the game that Montreal had their "top powerplay line on the ice with a couple minutes left and the game was out of hand". Well Don, it's the beginning of the season and Carbonneau is going to take the in-game practice for the line when he can. Second, if you don't want to play against the top power play line. Stop taking penalties.

Palin.
The Alaska legislative panel released their report into Sarah Palin's abuse of power allegations yesterday. So in classic Palin style, she did something hockey mom related to brush it off. Sooooo she dropped the puck at the Philadelphia Flyers home opener accompanied by the winner of some ridiculous "ultimate hockey mom" contest. On top of it all they gave out lipstick to the hockey moms in attendance.

Oh there was something else I was suppose to mention... umm... what was it... Oh yes, Flyers owner Ed Snider gave donations to the Republican campaign. That's good. Using your NHL team as a political pawn.

Kippers self-destruction.

Calgary was leading 3-1. At home. Home opener. Lost 5-4 in overtime. Todd Bertuzzi was a disaster on skates, hitting from behind and elbowing in the head... I think the fans in Calgary probably wished they were in Toronto. (now that's really sad.)

Few timbits for your coffee.

Guy Carbonneau got a contract extension today. Although we only know it's more than a year and less then ten. Regardless, it's one of the first coaching contract extensions in Montreal in quite a while.

And the NHL 09 similator run by EA Sports has the Detroit Red Wings repeating as Stanley Cup Champions. They beat the Montreal Canadiens in the final. I tend not to rely on this too much. I believe they had San Jose and Montreal in the final last year.

Soup Stock.

Montreal Canadiens defensmen Francis Bouillon skated today in the team skate, and reports are that he might return for tonights Game four action against the Bruins.

“We are going to see how he feels and we’ll know more by (tonight),” said Carbonneau, whose team leads the best-of-seven series, 2-1.

“It’s probably not (ready) right now, but we don’t know. If he has a good day (yesterday) and skates again (this) morning and feels good, then we have the option of using him.”