Duthie-ism.

Thanks to Q-girl from "Of Moose and Men" for sending me this one. I somehow missed this absolute Duthie gem.


"Forget the Glow-Puck. What we need is the Glow Puckbunny. Whenever Elisha Cuthbert is present in an NHL arena, she will automatically illuminate so as to be easily located by television cameras -- and young defencemen."

How to make baseball less stupid.

1. land mines. Not big ones, we don't want people getting hurt. But little ones that make big noises and throw a bit of dirt around. "AND OH MY!!! Brian, it appears that Manny Ramirez has been taken out by a landmine while trying to steal a base!"

2. midgets. midgets are hilarious.

3. fire. anywhere. make the ball on fire, the bases, maybe the seats... the foul lines. something has got to be on fire.

4. Every second inning is actually Soccer-Baseball. Do you remember Soccer-Baseball? Why is it so much more fun than baseball?

5. Play in the rain. pussies.

6. Close calls at the bag are determined by a chugging contest between the runner and the baseman.

7. Foam party in the stands!!!

8. Techno music.

9. Sean Avery?

Vogue Magazine.

Never did I think I would be putting the two words "Vogue Magazine" together on my blog. But it happened, pesky Sean Avery is torturing a whole new industry with his presence when he started his "internship" at the magazine.

Don't believe me? It does kind of sound made up, but it's true, check out the story here for proof.

There were some golden quotes in that story from his publicist Nicole Chabot,

"He is ridiculously obsessed with fashion."

"He loves it more than anything in the world. It's something he has always wanted to do."

Even more than hockey? Please oh please, like it more than hockey.

Meanwhile a quick trip to the Vogue website revealed these riveting headlines,

"All the latest updates from the Cannes red carpet"

"Lagerfeld evokes a Sixties siren for Chanel in Miami"

Man Sean Avery is going to have fun getting coffee for the people who write this stuff.

Memorial Cup opens.

Junior hockey's trophy the Memorial Cup, arguably one of the most difficult trophies to win in all of sport, starts today. To reach the Memorial Cup, teams play four rounds of best-of-seven series (same as the NHL) to win their league title, but that's not where it ends (it ends after four rounds in the NHL). There are three major geographic leagues in Canada's junior system. The Quebec League (QMJHL), the Ontario League (OHL) and the Western League (WHL) each send their winner of their championship to the Memorial Cup, as well as the host team gets an automatic bye into the tournament. The Memorial Cup lasts a little over a week, each team first plays every other team (so, three games) and then based on standings during those preliminary games, a one game knock out style for quarter(*correction* there is no quarters.. how can there be, there's only 4 teams, duh), semi and finals.



Kitchener Rangers (host), Belleville Bulls (OHL), Gatineau Olympiques (QMJHL), Spokane Chiefs (WHL).

First game at 7pm EST (Sportsnet), Rangers vs Gatineau.

The tournament for the rich and unemployed.

The World Championships have never been a big deal in Canada. We pay attention, sort of, if there's no NHL game on, I guess. Canada's team is always made of players who have either not made the NHL playoffs, or have been knocked out in the first couple of rounds. The tournament Canada really rallies behind is the World Juniors (under 20) at Christmas-time. The World Junior team on the other hand is made up of young players, most of whom are on the fringe of stardom. Let's not mention that the tournament has never been played on Canadian soil. Right down to the major sponsor (Skoda) the tournament is a European thing.

But if there was to be made inroads with the tournament on Canadian soil it was not to be done this year. I'm not one to criticize Hockey Canada, I think they do a fantastic job with grassroots, right up to the top. I've also had the luck of being able to witness the World Junior tournament in person when it was hosted in Halifax in 2003 and in Sweden in 2007. So I feel pretty confident in saying that this tournament was not fan friendly. It was pretty much anti-fan.

1. Game times. ALL of Canada's games were at 4:30pm local time. Listen, I know this is a long running joke, and perhaps the nice people at Hockey Canada can claim ignorance since they're based in Calgary. But people in Halifax have JOBS. I have a job, my friends have jobs, and 4:30pm on a weekday is not exactly an ideal time to go for a few pops at the Split Crow and hit up a hockey game.

2. Two Cities. Splitting the games between two cities is fine. It usually has to be done to accommodate two pools. However, splitting them between two cities in two different provinces that are extremely far apart is stupid. Google Maps tells me it's about a 10 hour drive from Halifax to Quebec City (and I don't think that Google Maps takes into account the side of the road panic attacks caused from driving through Quebec.) Why not just fly? Well, currently Westjet doesn't even fly from Halifax to Quebec, so you're stuck with Air Canada (goodbye luggage) and goodbye $659.14. That's on top of the ridiculous amount of money you would've dropped on tickets. More on that in a second.

3. Ticket Prices. A ticket package in Halifax ran you about $900. And this did not give you any medal games (past the quaterfinals). If you bought the package in Quebec, you get a POSSIBLE two Canada games (which depended on if Canada made it there).

4. Too many teams. Holy Phil Esposito. There are four pools in the World Championships, each with four teams. I love the Latvians, they were fun people to hang out with. The Slovenians were really crazy too. And I feel bad about this point... but it's one that needs to be said. Those countries are not very good at hockey. It's pretty damn hard to get up for a game against Slovenia (or Latvia... or France...or Italy).

Philly takes it one more game.

I have to give it to Philadelphia, they came out with absolute determination and desperation and took it to the Pittsburgh Penguins. I can even overlook the errant elbows that seemed to protrude from Scottie Upshall and Mike Richards. Goaltender Martin Biron was on fire. And the Flyers defense managed to hold off Sidney Crosby and Geno Malkin off the scoreboard and a late third period offensive after Jordan Staal scored two goals to bring the Pens to within one.
I'll even give a shout out to fellow Maritimer, Flyers defenseman Randy Jones who collected an assist in the game.

I also learned something, i've never realized how mature and absolutely knowledgeable about hockey the fans of Philadelphia are.

The week that wouldn't end.

Gary Roberts sat out game three with pneumonia. Gary Roberts doesn't have pneumonia, they just don't want him to kill any flyers.

Isn't that cute... the Flyers think they're gonna win a game.

The Detroit Red Wings failed to sweep the Western Conference finals last night as they lost to the Dallas Stars, pushing off the inevitable for one more night.

Dave Nonis has been in interviews for the General Manager position with the Toronto Maple Leafs for three days now. Three days? They've got to be going steady by now.

Canada beat Norway 8-2 to move onto the Semi-Finals against Sweden, to be held in Quebec City. (I will rant about this later).

Blockbuster signing.

MONTREAL — The Montreal Canadiens have signed Calgary Hitmen forward Ryan White to a three-year contract.

White, 20, recorded 28 goals and 44 assists with the Hitmen during the 2007-08 season and led the team in scoring the past three seasons.

The Brandon, Man., native was selected 66th overall by the Canadiens in the third round of the 2006 NHL Entry Draft.

Update from the confines of work.

I'm at work, and there is futball (soccer) to be played tonight so I thought i'd do a quick update, pretty amusing blog entry from Ian Altenbaugh of The Sporting News:

Recently I have noticed a trend amongst hockey fandem. This phenomena is known as The Anti-Penguin Mentality. It has always been prominent within the confines of Philadelphia but has seen mass popularity with the ongoing success of the Penguins. In the last couple weeks Penguins fans have listened to members of the New York media bash superstar Sidney Crosby. The owner of the Philadelphia Flyers stated that is was unfair for the Penguins to have success because they had five losing seasons in a row. Message to Mr. Snider: your team has not won a cup since the seventies. The Flyers were absolutely terrible last season. Also, teams like Atlanta, Columbus, Florida, amongst others have had perennial high draft picks and have continued to suck year in and year out. So you can go shove some of your money up your no touch zone.

I know that people hate those who are seemingly destined for success. I do. This team is destined for success. The Penguins are under no circumstances the evil empire either. They do not have domineering ownership. Primary owner Ron Burkle allows Mario Lemieux to be the face of Penguin ownership. They are not like the owners of the Pirates, The Nuttings, an ownership group that does not care about the product that they are profiting from. Nor is Penguin ownership such like that of the Yankees or Oakland Raiders, a constant source of frustration for committed fans. So it can not be the Penguins representation that makes them so hated.

It is easy to say Sidney Crosby dives but he is constantly being disrupted and what some person sees as a player going down easily another sees as a player trying to sell a penalty. If you say he whines then you do not watch hockey. He talks to the refs but he is the captain and he is a talker. He is not always talking about the play either, he is referring to patches on the ice, issues with pucks, Crosby is a control freak, he is also at times joking around with officials. Maybe he is charming them. Well you can not hate him for being charming.

Penguin fans are, generally speaking, zealous but realistic. It comes from living in a poor city like Pittsburgh. Also, the fans in their teens and twenties know far more then Johnny beer-and-a-shot at the bar. The interesting thing about Penguins and to a lesser extent Steelers fans is that so many of them are college students. The hockey season practically eclipses the school year. Unlike Steelers fans however Penguins fans are not hopelessly dogmatic followers. There are not as naïve nor are they as stupid.

Pens fans on the whole are the savviest sports fans in the region. I have been through out the region. Trust me. They are already looking to the off-season to see what potential UFAs will be able to plug the vacancies expected to be created with the probably loss of Ryan Malone, Marian Hossa, and Brooks Orpik. The fans however are a carbon copy of Pens management. Management has gone to great lengths to assure that their fanbase will stay forever. Recent things done by management, such as the giant screen set up on Mellon Arena lawn that draws tens of thousands of people on game day to sit out and watch the game, have garnered national attention. Among some of the other things Pens management does is set aside a certain amount of tickets for each game for walk-up sales. This is unfounded in professional sports and while the chances of getting these tickets are next to nothing (sometimes as few as 100 are set aside) it is a gesture to those who can not afford the standard ticket prices and hope to capitalize on the Pens Student Rush Program a program that allows anyone with a valid student ID to get the first available ticket for 25 dollars. I had done this during the regular season and had seats behind the net, against the boards. When a player crashed into the boards, I jumped. That close. Twenty-five bucks.

So why do you hate the Penguins? I have you reason to like them. Tell me why you hate them. I, as a fan, am enjoying the Pens success. I watched a lot of bad hockey and went to a few games last season wondering if this was going to be it. It is nice to be rewarded.

In addition to his blog on TSN, Ian Altenbaugh writes a column for Sports Fiend Hockeytitled Around the Atlantic.

If you can make a puck glow you can figure out if it passed the goal line.

Martin Biron just greased a goal away from the Pittsburgh Penguins. The puck redirected off of Hatcher's face (yes, his face) and into the net. Except as it was passing the line, Biron put his glove over the puck. It was very obvious to the entire audience that the puck did cross the line, but just as it did, the camera view was obscured by the glove of Biron.

I make my case again for goal line, chip-in-the-puck technology. The technology for having a chip inside of the puck already exists (see: stupid yanks need black puck on white surface to glow to increase contrast). Also, soccer has been testing various goal line sensors for a few years now and it appears to be advanced enough to be working. So my question is, with goaltenders gloves as large as they are, why are we relying on cameras to see through them?

It was a goal.

Osgood gets the Oscar.

I watched a really great movie last night, but the acting was really terrible. There was a red team and a green team and crazy "red neck" fans, and some juicy squid.
And in the last few seconds of the movie, Dallas Stars forward Mike Ribeiro was chirping goaltender Chris Osgood from behind the net. The two exchanged some dinner plans and meanwhile Ribeiro was getting a hug from two Detroit Red Wings players. His stick rose above the crossbar and he was pushed into the net. I agree, Ribeiro did make a slashing motion. But he hit a goaltender in the chest protector. A goaltender who takes slapshots at 90 miles an hour takes a tap with a stick in the chest protector and drops to the ice like he's been shot in the face. (Seriously Chris, you're in Detroit, save that type of reaction for if you actually do get shot.) Anyway, apparently Osgood's performance was Oscar worthy because the NHL is looking at suspending Mike Ribeiro because of the incident. As much as I dislike Ribeiro (see: underacheiving high draft picks in Montreal) I don't think he should be repremanded at all for this. There's been much worse hacking on Sidney Crosby and Gino Malkin and it's not even drawing a penalty.

Speaking of Cros and Gino, they will be in action again tonight at 7:30pm EST. And it is believed that sparkplug forward Mad Max Talbot will be back in the lineup after missing a few games due to blocking a shot with his foot. Not to be unmatched by the fact that Steve Downie will also be back in the lineup for the Flyers. Also check out this hilarious interview with Georges Laraque.

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Breaking News.

Wade Redden has apparently rejected the offer from the Ottawa Senators that would see him take a substantial paycut. He said he has no interest in signing the contract and will reportedly test out the Free Agent market. Although the way he played this past season, good luck buddy.

Live Bloggin: Canada vs Germany

6:38pm: Eric Staal is the player of the game for Canada. Sort of a no-brainer.

6:35pm: GAME END. 10-1 FINAL.

6:30pm: St. Louis missed a breakaway goal.

6:29pm: Heatley just missed a tip-in attempt.

6:26pm: Loving the drunk guy in the Team Canada Crosby sweater dancing. Perhaps alcohol was the key to dimming the boring nature of watching Canada wallop Germany 10-1.

6:24pm: McGuire mentions the early morning wakeup call for the 11th time this game.

6:23pm: Staal narrowly missed a redirect in front of the net. And then got a penalty for hooking.

6:18pm: three-on-one after an unsuccessful pinch by Green and the puck trickles in off of a Canadian players skate. Cam Ward has now lost his shutout bid. I personally blame Gord Miller who said the SO-word before the end of the game.

6:17pm: "THEY TAKE NUMBERS, EVEN IN INTERNATIONAL PLAY. GETZLAF JUST SAID, CAREFUL IF YOU DON'T WATCH YOURSELF IT'S COMING AGAIN!"

6:14pm: Jovanaski with a real nice defensive effort after Derek Roy coughed up the puck in the Canadian zone.

6:10pm: Germany should be taking a lesson from Norway who played very close-checking and kept the Canadians to the perimeter. Germany appears to be trying to match Canada. I would like to point out that trying to match Canada IS NOT WORKING.

6:09pm: MIKE GREEN SCORES!!! poor poor Robert Mueller didn't even know it went in. St. Louis gets his fifth assist.

6:08pm: German penalty. Staal fell awkwardly but appears to be ok.

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5:55pm: update from Russia-Sweden game. Sweden is up 1-0 and apparently Kovalchuk got in a fight, but as we all know players like Kovalchuk don't quite know how it works, and that was evident as both players still had their mitts on. Almost guys, almost.

5:51pm: Came across this. Apparently that dementia I was talking about the other day that seems to be running rampant amongst the Toronto Maple Leafs players hasn't affected everyone. Jason Blake is saying he would be open to a trade. That's code word for "THIS PLACE SUCKS!"

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5:50pm: PERIOD END. 9-0 Canada.

5:47pm: JAMAL MAYERS SCORES!!! again. wide. open. net. McGuire: "THE GERMANS SHOULD START THE BUS NOW!".

5:45pm: Pierre McGuire is still talking about the 8:30 am practice, he now thinks it is a good idea.

5:44pm: Germany still only has 9 shots. These guys are playing like a bunch of Slovenians.

5:43pm: man... 8-0... this is starting to get a bit boring.

5:41pm: STAAL SCORES!!! AGAIN!!! Tipped the puck into an open net with only one hand on the stick. Nice behind the back pass from St. Louis. Apparently Eric Lindross has the record for most goals in a game, which is five. Staal is one away. Let's go Staal.

5:40pm: Do you think the players try to hit the Skoda cars in the stands? I would.

5:39pm: Rick Nash just made a ridiculous move and was stopped by Meuller.

5:38pm: our buddy Mavs, who is the music guy for the entire tournament just played "The Price is Right" theme. Awesome. Almost as good as starting the game with "Barrett's Privateers".

5:37pm: goal.

5:36pm: They're reviewing the goal to see if the posts were in place.

5:35pm: DEREK ROY SCORES!!! Doan was aggravating in front of the net, the goalie was down and out and Roy had a big giant open net.

5:34pm: "And Spezza couldn't cash in." A line Ottawa Senators fans are used to hearing.

5:33pm: German penalty.

5:32pm: shots are 26-6. This is not a goaltenders battle.

5:28pm: ERIC STAAL HATTRICK!!! St. Louis threw a beautiful pass from behind the net right on to Staal's stick. It appears no one was willing to throw their new overpriced official hats they've been selling at the games. "dat's right good dere staal, but i spent 40 loons on this hat."

5:28pm: The top line is out there and they are not looking where they are passing.

5:23pm: McGuire is on fire. "IS PANG AVAILABLE TO PLAY?"

5:22pm: Apparently Germany switched goaltenders at intermission because it is now Mueller in nets.

5:21pm: ERIC STAAL SCORES!!! second goal of the game (and tournament) — he walked right through pretty much four players. ROOF DADDY!

5:20pm: Pierre McGuire: "LOOK AT THEM CRASHING THE NET, WE DIDN'T SEE ANY OF THIS AGAINST NORWAY LAST GAME. THEY'RE REALLY PLAYING INTO HITCHCOCK'S PLAN OF PLAYING NORTH AMERICAN STYLE HOCKEY!"

5:19pm: German penalty.

5:17pm: apparently German coach Uwe Krupp's son is playing in the US system right now, however if he plays another year he will be ineligible for the German national team. His other option is to go play with the Belleville Bulls in the OHL next year.

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5:11pm: still intermission, interesting story about Dany Heatley and how he almost ended up on Team Germany back in the day.


5:05pm: Cory Woron just looked so lost when the highlight clips didn't come on. "WHERE DID MY WORDS GO!?"

5:01pm: Belarus took the Czech Republic to a shootout, the day after taking the Russians to a shootout. I love Belarus, they always sneak in some sort of ridiculous upset. (see: Sweden, 2002 Olympics)

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5:00pm: PERIOD END. 4-0 Canada.

4:58pm: PATRICK SHARP SCORES!!! Sharp was trying to centre a pass and it redirected off of the German defensemans skate. The goaltenders five-hole is almost as big as Sean Avery's mouth!

4:53pm: Germany Penalty.

4:52pm: ERIC STAAL SCORES!!! 3-0 Canada. Staal's first goal of the tournament.

4:49pm: DANY HEATLEY SCORES!!! (through the giant five-hole again) He was pretty much in all alone. Heatley is on fire, 7 goals in 5 games.

4:49pm: Wikipedia tells me that Kotschnew is actually from Kazakhstan but has German citizenship.

4:47pm: Decided I better actually look up the name of the German goaltender, it is Dimitrij Kotschnew who is playing for the first time this tournament.

4:44pm: Heatley-Nash-Getzlaf line continue to pepper Germany's net with shots. What an insane line.

4:41pm: The German players all wear that god-forsaken T'blade skate system that makes the most annoying sound of life. If I wasn't afraid i'd miss some sort of terrible quip from Pierre i'd put it on mute.


4:36pm: Spezza comes up the right wing and puts a goal through the gigantic five-hole of the German goaltender. Nice to see Spezza doing something besides coughing up the puck to the other team.

4:31pm: puck drop. We're informed by Pierre McGuire 'THE CANADIANS HAD AN 8:30AM PRACTICE TODAY AND I SPOKE TO THEM AFTERWARDS AND MOST OF THEM DIDN'T FEEL COMFORTABLE ABOUT IT"

Malkin defies physics.

The Pittsburgh Penguins continued their dismantling of opponents during game one of the Eastern Conference final against the Philadelphia Flyers mostly thanks to MVP candidate Gino (Evgeni) Malkin (although Captain Crosby and Peter Sykora each contributed goals).

Both of Malkin's goals were absolute rockets that appeared to go physically through goaltender Martin Biron. And maybe they did. The first one was a slapper from the side of the net. And the second one was definitely memorable. Malkin had just been crushed by a check behind the Philadelphia net, the puck was taken up ice into the Penguins zone and Malkin was having a bit of trouble getting going. He managed to drag himself up to the Flyers blueline when the puck came up to him via a beautiful two-line pass and there was no Flyers players in sight (except Biron). Malkin went in on a breakaway with a ton of time to work with, instead of going in for a dangle he stopped in front of the net and blasted a slapshot. And it went in. Ridiculous. I swear it looked like it went directly through Biron. It must have. Those aren't supposed to go in.

"It was really a last-second decision," said Malkin through a translator. "I just decided to shoot that puck as hard as I can. I didn't think about it, where to shoot, and to make any moves. Just as hard as I can"

"If i had his shot i'd probably have done the same thing," Crosby said with a smile in a post game interview. "He was probably pretty tired, whatever works."

Photos from Canada and USA on Tuesday.